Adapted by Stephen Briggs from the Discworld novel by Terry Pratchett

Venue: Chorley Little Theatre

Performance Dates: Mon 23rd – Sat 28th April 2018 inclusive

Auditions Date: Sun 14th January 2018 @ 1pm

Directed by Keya Edge and Paul Carr

Produced by Jackie Green

The Story:

The play is based on one of the 41 Discworld books by Terry Pratchett, which have sold around 85m copies but don’t worry if you’ve never read one or haven't heard of Discworld because you don’t need to know anything about the books to be able to audition or follow the show (even Paul has no idea what’s going on!)

Discworld consists of a large disc resting on the backs of four huge elephants which are in turn standing on the back of an enormous turtle, named Great A'Tuin, as it slowly swims through space. Pratchett’s books take the reader into a whole new world of fantasy, and that’s exactly what we are going to do too!

In “Guards Guards!”, the infamous city of Ankh-Morpork is under threat from a 60-foot fire-breathing dragon, summoned by a secret society of malcontent tradesmen in order to rule the city. Defending Ankh-Morpork against this threat is the underpaid, undervalued City Night Watch – consisting of a drunken and world-weary Captain Vimes, a cowardly and overweight Sergeant Colon, a small opportunistic Corporal Nobbs (of dubious parentage) ...and their newest recruit, Lance Constable Carrot, who is upright, literal, law-abiding and keen.

Aiding them in their fight for truth, justice and the Ankh-Morporkian way, are a small swamp dragon called Errol, Lady Ramkin and the Librarian of Unseen University (who just happens to be an orang-utan!) This unlikely band of misfits need to defeat the dragon, restore order to Ankh-Morpork, and preferably doing all this without having to do anything too strenuous!


Auditions are open to anyone of any experience and you can just turn up on the day but it may help if you let us know in advance via the contacts at the end of this notice (especially if you want to see audition pieces ahead of time). Alternatively, register on our Facebook event here.

We will release audition pieces ahead of the auditions through this group so that you can prepare for your audition and get familiar with the pieces ahead of time – giving you more scope in the audition to concentrate on the performance rather than just reading the lines. You DO NOT need to have learnt the audition pieces (and they will be provided again on the day) but please do familiarise yourself with them so that we are not seeing you reading ‘cold’.

Click here to download the Audition Pieces (remember, we're not expecting you to learn them off-by-heart but being familiar will help). 

The format will be closed auditions but as the play is an ensemble piece we may ask you to read against other auditionees to get a feel for the dynamics between different actors. We are aiming to try and be in a position to cast the show on the audition day so if you are going to have any difficulty with the date or time them please let us know in advance and we will try to accommodate seeing you before the main auditions so that you can be considered.


Rehearsals will begin in late January and will be on Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights – possibly with the addition of Sunday afternoons as we get closer to the show. Evening rehearsals are typically from 7:30pm until 10pm and schedules can be worked around known absences if needed – not everyone will be needed at every rehearsal.


The staging for the show is simple yet relatively complex, incorporating dragons, orangutans, skeletons, fantastical scenery and special effects – and the CADOS technical team are pulling out all the stops to create Pratchett’s fantasy world onstage. Medieval style costume and bizarre props will all help to make this show one to remember!


PLEASE NOTE – All cast are to be aged 18+ (though some may be playing younger) and ages of many characters are given as a guide only. Many could be played as significantly older or younger depending on how the casting goes. (If you’re not sure if you will fit a part then please ask!)



Male / Female

and approx. (guideline!) playing ages

Approx. Lines


M 16


Captain Vimes

M 45


Lupine Wonse

M 35


Corporal Nobbs

M/F 40s


Sergeant Colon

M/F 50s


Lady Sybil Ramkin

F 45




20 (mini paragraphs)



28 ‘ook’s! - nonspeaking

Brother Plasterer / Patrician / Voice at Door

M 40+


Brother Fingers / Archchancellor

M 30+


Brother Doorkeeper / Chief Assassin

M/F 30+


Brother Watchtower / First Worthy



Brother Dunnykin / Second Worthy



Chorus 1 (Carrot’s Dad, Zebbo Mooty, First Warrior, First Citizen, Bunting Carrier, First Guard)

M 30+


Chorus 2 (Knowlessman, Urdo Van Pew, Second Warrior, Second Citizen, Servant, Second Guard)

M/F 30+


Death / C.M.O.T. Dibbler

M 45+




























Some additional details about some of the characters (as written in the Pratchett novel) are given below as a guide, but we are interested in seeing your own take on the roles as well

Carrot             Red hair (a wig will be acceptable!) is a dwarf, for he was adopted and raised by dwarfs, so needs to be tall(ish - taller than Nobby). His human name "Carrot" describes his shape, not his red hair. Carrot is the most consciously and conscientiously law-abiding citizen in Ankh-Morpork. Having been brought up in dwarf culture, Carrot takes everything literally and believes in obeying rules. He isn’t stupid, just very enthusiastic.

Captain Vimes             Captain of the (useless) Night Watch, Sam Vimes is by nature an extremely cynical person. His first impression upon meeting someone is that they're guilty of something. Equally, he is known to be an angry person. Vimes is far from being perfect, and he knows the fact better than anyone. A drunk man who slowly sobers up during the play to help save the day. A strong character, who is a little fed up, but deep down cares deeply for Ankh-Morpork

Lupine Wonse            An ambitious man, he advanced upwards from his poor roots to become chief secretary to the Patrician. Slimy character, the baddie of the plot. Sneaky and mean he runs the Brethren whilst also being the chief secretary to the Patrician, and is the ‘brains’ behind summoning the dragon

Lady Sybil Ramkin            In appearance Lady Sybil is a strong woman with a large build. She is one of the notable breeders of swamp dragons. Her house includes a pen-house for the dragons. She is often wearing a lot of leather armour, rubber boots, thick gloves, as she works on the dragons. Posh aristocrat, falls in love with Vimes

Sergeant Colon            Lazy and over weight and has been described as looking something like a pork butcher. Not stupid, but not fully aware of what’s going on.

Corporal Nobbs             Shorter than the average dwarf. Nobby, perhaps, should have been disqualified from the human race (for shoving). Nobby, shall we say, acquires things. He is good at ‘acquiring’ things, even though he is part of the watch. Nobby is both a romantic and a cynic. Nobby is shorter than many dwarfs, and due to a personal hygiene problem he can tarnish and corrode any metal near him. He lodges many half-smoked cigarettes behind his ears. Cleverly stupid, bit of a geezer.

Librarian            The Librarian is a faculty member, and so he must have once been a human wizard. A strong wave of magic, altering reality, transformed the Librarian into an orang-utan. After things settled down, the Librarian's colleagues found that he liked being an orang-utan, and fought all efforts to transform him back to human. All the Librarian ever utters is 'oook' or 'eeek'. Will be required to act like an orang-utan at all times, very physical actor needed.

Footnote            Footnote is the narrator of the piece, though is never ‘technically’ seen! They explain parts of the show as a voiceover (with some manipulation skills required!) making sure no one misses a plot point or explaining points about Pratchett’s world. This role would suit someone who is less confident at appearing onstage but has good vocal skills.

The Elucidated Brethren of the Ebon Night (the Brothers) are mysterious hooded characters who are a Monty Pythonesque bickering band of halfwits, and inadvertently summon a dragon that they then cannot control. Always robed and wearing masks they each need quite distinct voices to get their characters across:

Brother Plasterer: only slightly less thick than the plaster he works with

Brother Fingers: the thief, gets stuck with the crappy jobs. Always sent for the food, because he'd never mastered the art of paying for it.

Brother Doorkeeper: a jobsworth, wants to be important.

Brother Watchtower: One of the more clever (or at least not quite as stupid) members, he briefly assumed leadership of the secret society in the Supreme Grand Master's absence

Brother Dunnykin: moody, anxious and accompanied by constant muttered complaints

(The Brothers also double as a number of other key roles)

Patrician             The leader of the city. A man not to be messed with, but not the baddie. Very smart, Clever man. 

Urdo Van Pew             He is the President of the Thieves' Guild. Gets arrested by Carrot for being a thief, and doesn’t take it well. A stern man.

Death             As old as the death of the first living thing, is the anthropomorphic personification of death on the Discworld. He appears as the traditional Grim Reaper, with a skeletal body, a black robe and a scythe. Tall, not what you'd call fleshy. Death is a 7-foot-tall (but theatre trickery is wonderful!) skeleton with blue eyes and big scythe, and a very sinister deep voice (think Christopher Lee). Rides a horse called Binky. Loves cats and curry.

Dibbler             Weaselly. Dibbler always manages to make a living by selling sausages to people who have gotten sick from his sausages before. This demonstrates that he is a very good salesman. Dibbler's nickname CMOT comes from his claims along the lines of "selling this at such a low price that it's cutting me own throat". Bit of a “Del Boy”. Always trying to flog something, that is usually worthless. Con merchant.


For more information please contact Keya or Paul through Facebook messenger or by email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. or This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.